The Republican 8: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Why do the GOP candidates remind me of a remake of that old Disney movie, Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs?

Probably because they are all superbly cast.

Right wing politics has never been such a lot of fun.

Snow White, naturally, is Michelle Bachmann.

Rick Santorum plays Sleepy and, in a part ideally suited for him, Newt (the Grump) Gingrich dazzles as Grumpy.

Doc, of course, is Doctor Ron Paul while only 1 wannabe can play Happy, Happy Herman.

Huntsman plays himself, a voice lost in the wasteland while Candidate Perry is straight out of Hollywood casting as Dopey.

And, John Kerry, poorly camouflaged as Mitt Romney makes yet one more attempt at the Prize, this time as Sneezy.

So , how are they doing?

As the candidates head towards the Iowa caucuses , it's become very clear that the cold blasts of an inhospitable political landscape will freeze what a flicker of life Sleepy and Grumpy have left.

Snow White, whose voices in her head entreated her to run for President, will fall into her normal semi-comatose intellectual condition as it becomes clear to everybody on the planet but her that it wasn't God talking to her, after all. The voices will continue to be there, certainly, but the good folks of Minnesota's 6th Congressional District surely will sleep well at night knowing that their favorite Tea Partier will be safe in the hallowed halls of Congress where so many of her fellow legislators hear the same voices.

Doc, the oldest curmudgeon of the Dwarfs, heard humming 'Starry-Starry Night ' in a recent debate, will continue to make his fans' skin tingle. He's the same fellow who once requested 400 million bucks in federal earmarks, then voted against the bill in which it appeared.

More recently, he has guaranteed to get rid of the departments of Education, Energy, Commerce, Interior, and Housing and Urban Development while legalizing all drugs. When you think about it, it'll make sense to get rid of the Department of Education because students will be too stoned on meth to go to school anyway.

Happy burst onto the pinnacle of the Republican polls like a ray of bright sunlight, laser focused on a tax reform plan so dazzling in its simplicity: 999. Yea! Wow! cheered his growing legions of fans. A GOP candidate with a real tax reform plan. Too bad one of those nit-picking overly educated types had the insolence to run the numbers to see how families would be affected.

To make matters worse, some PC game-players noted that a 999 tax plan started with a computer game, SIM City, to which Happy Herbert claimed no such thing had happened. Truth is, it seems more likely it came from the billionaire Koch brothers who've made it clear Happy is one of their favorites.

But, back to the numbers. Turns out 999 would raise the taxes for 80% of American citizens while giving the richest-of-the-rich a billion dollar per year tax windfall.

Too bad, Happy. It's one thing to build America's tax structure around a Playstation game but quite another for this poor Dwarf to have gotten cold-koched by the Brothers Koch.

Poor Huntsman. Went to the Wasteland in China, worked for that Commie-Socialist Kenyan Muslim who he now hopes to replace. Failed to help himself with his blasphemous heresy the Party should embrace science. What was he thinking?

And, of course, there's captivating Dopey. The kid who scored C's and D's in college but looked great in his cheerleader uniform.

Finally, the John Kerry look-alike, Sneezy. For women's rights to choose before he was against it. Against Obamacare though it sure looks like Romneycare.

One moment, sneezes to the left; next moment, sneezes to the right.

Got filthy rich purchasing corporations, downsizing them, selling their assets to make a quick buck, firing lots and lots of the unwashed and unkempt. But, he's finely quaffed. Merely a regular guy.

Seven Dwarfs. Snow White.

As Lincoln once pointed out, 'A house divided against itself cannot stand" and today America is putting that warning to the political test . Can todays' debate politics rise about its comic cast of characters or should we simply chill and enjoy the flick? The Republican 8: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs